The perfection trap

BY: EMILY PFANNENSTIEL, LPC, LMHC

If you ever cried over losing or getting a B, you might be a perfectionist.

And you are in good company. Some of the most successful people in their fields are self-proclaimed perfectionists, with celebs like Steve Jobs (tech), Serena Williams (athletics), Gwyneth Paltrow (acting and wellness), Martha Stewart (crafting and homemaking), and Brené Brown (social worker, writer and vulnerability expert) topping the list.

So what does “perfectionism” actually mean?

Perfectionism has been researched by psychologist Dr. Randy Frost using the Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale, which defines perfectionism by these associated traits:

1.     High personal standards

2.     Excessive concern over making mistakes

5.     A strong preference for order and organization

6.     A doubting of the quality of one’s actions

3.     A perception of parental figures as having excessively high expectations

4.     A perception of parental figures as being excessively critical

Sound familiar?

Your perfectionism has likely gotten you far in life. You were successful in school and in your career. You have achieved many of your goals. But are you enjoying them?

Yes, perfectionism has been linked with greater productivity, and academic and work success. However, having perfectionist tendencies can also lead to interpersonal difficulties. Perfectionists have a hard time delegating tasks, and are often perceived as highly critical or judgmental. Even if they are not viewed this way, their ‘perfect’ lives are intimidating and may not be relatable to others. Unfortunately, the stress of having to get all the details right—combined with the subsequent disconnect from others—may lead perfectionists to struggle with higher levels of anxiety and depression, and even suicide risk. Perfectionism has also been linked to other mental health disorders, like OCD, body dysmorphic disorder, and anorexia.

So what can be done?

The key is to harness the more adaptive aspects of perfectionism, while leaving the maladaptive ones wayside (or at least achieving more balance with them). Maladaptive perfectionism can include: inflexibly high standards (often beyond what is expected), fear of failure, focus on avoiding error, a sense of self-worth that is dependent on one’s performance, and all or none thinking (perfection vs. failure) that can lead to procrastination and anxiety. “Adaptive” perfectionism includes high standards that are modified to be realistic for the situation and that play on a person’s strengths, striving for success (not perfection), timely completion of tasks, and flexible thinking. Or, as Brené Brown describes, working on becoming a “good enoughist.”

When employed in a balanced manner, adaptive perfectionism can be your superpower.

Let me show you how! I love working with perfectionists and recovering perfectionists. Reach out today at emilylovetherapy@gmail.com to schedule an appointment with me.